Indentured Euphemisms

I cover the waterfront… watching… ships come in

A bit of hearsay led me to recollection of one of my early jobs. I was a… cheap laborer, scrub, security, courier, henchman for a real estate company. The courier part of the job allowed me to know the streets of Los Angeles, the valley and Long Beach intimately – Thomas-Guide-A-Sutra. I figured out routes that cut travel time. Decades later, those paths no longer exist. One gig, my Celica (or 280zx) and I, and a 14oz cup sat 14.5 hours watching a construction site from half a block away to make certain no one absconded with building materials in the dark of night.

Later, after I fell 2 stories at another site where they had me doing spiderman crap on apartments they were moving, they let me go for fear that their shenanigans would finally catch up to them and they’d get sued to all hell. Being short-sighted they hired the preacher’s son and after months of late deliveries and compromised packages they came to see how exploiting me were their glory days ne’er to return. See, I never opened a single package. The Preacher’s son however had been opening the packages and skimming serious cash. Had I known the contents, I would have quit on the spot. They were using me for what they should have used an armoured car to do. It’s an odd thing for the people in a business to have zero interest in the safety and quality of your life. I’ve been railing on about internships lately as well as kids working for the Hollywood allure of having their name scroll by at warp speed in the end credits and another entry on IMDB.

“The sheriff is near?”

Last week I got a promo for a photo contest. Maybe I’m exaggerating but they appeared to have 30 judges… all white, equitable ratio male : female. The judges mirrored my last meeting where I felt like the Sheriff in Blazing Saddles (Which is not unusual). AKA The norm. The norm doesn’t always imply intention but it does display ignorance in its dictionary sense of word. Many times people just don’t know because they’ve never had to think about it. Some know and don’t care. They use terms like “fit the culture” which is a euphemism for exclusionary practices. My norm is that I have no choice but to observe the make up of the population of a company. I count the genders, the ethnicities, the offices vs the cubicles. It strangely is not a complaint. I mainly want to know how far away I am from “The Culture” (insert deep echo effect here).

Back at the house. Back to cutting.

(Typed on smartphone while waiting in a parking lot. Edits forth coming)

Production Notes for Episode 2: A Cauliflower’s Lament

How much time does it take to make a carrot?

How much time does it take to make a carrot? Click the mofo and find out, mofo!

With Episode 2 launched into the internet ethers as of an hour ago I’ve pondered which things I’ve learned over the years still apply. Technically there are several areas that I can pay more attention towards as the repetition builds. Presently the productions are about the same time as the food preparation and the actual cooking. That makes my approach more eng-style but I have to find the balance with the beauty shots. The sound is less of importance to me at the moment because I KNOW right now I’m getting the best I can with what I have. I will be tweaking the approach but there does come a time when you know practical limitations.

As a producer, I’m running into far too many cancellations. Yesterday’s cancellation was the only legitimate one in the last four weeks. The penultimate one was 25 minutes or so before shoot time. When there is no leverage (agency pressure, remuneration, etc.) you really become reliant on the trustworthiness of anonymous people. That is probably not a successful model for goal attainment; Just ask the $4.30 head of cauliflower that didn’t get to make its onscreen debut because of said cancellation. Sifting through other methods of talent acquisition becomes a secondary priority.

Oddly, the first priority is the same one with any business: Marketing, promotion. I soft launched episode one with the biggest pillow possible. I might have sent 2 or 3 tweets and a couple of posts from here or there. Maybe a couple of emails went out to a couple of people. My dilemma was proper launch or get it out then play catch up. They arguably will cost the same amount of time but the immediate effects are different. Getting an episode into the world meant that people who didn’t understand the premise, now understand it better and have made verbal commitment to participate. It doesn’t necessarily stimulate a timeliness to their participation. That is like watching a cold molasses run versus paint drying in a thunder storm race. Launching also means I have to show hit reach and whatnot to whom it might concern sooner but that’s closer to speculating with Santa might bring me for Flag Day. I’m more of a peddler than a pitch man anyway but that helped facilitate the decision.

So, things are coming, it’s just uphill both ways. I have to get my jet packs fixed.

Overcooked Vegan ep1 is up

The episode is finally uploaded. It took about 7 or 8 hours. I’m too cooked to tweak the web site however I guess I can post the link here to the video. I have a couple more close to ready but I need to figure out the proper release window. First, I’d like to get some reaction so I’ll stumble along for the moment.

YouTube obliterated the pixels. Maybe it’s a bandwidth thing on my end. If not, I’m going to have to upload elsewhere in the future. My prior post’s comment about YouTube signal degradation/recompression to 720p might be in play which means reassessing compression necessities and/or where the show is to be hosted. Thoughts for a different day or at least a different time.

Let me link this thing up before I forget.

Slow… Production Notes 02

1st. Don’t underestimate how slow your web connection might be. I’m 310 minutes away (according to YouTube) from having this thing fully uploaded. With that I’m minimizing my web use aside from a couple of posts to minimize the upload failing.

2nd. Compressing files into MP4 for upload is #$%$ing slow as slow can be. ProRes took minutes for final plates. The MP4 (h264) took 2 hours or so to spit out the 1080 at a svelte 1.6 GB file size. What a bargain! I considered a 720 upload because that’s what the videos used to be resampled down to by YouTube (if I recall correctly) but I’m not certain if they do that anymore. Hubris, I call thee!!!!!

3rd. Don’t make one little change because it’s early in the morning. At 5:30 am I got the brilliant idea to add another section to the show. It was strictly a test. But each test needs an intro and each intro need a build before it is animated. “Bobby Jimmy, you a fool!” (For you old KDAY heads). One test begat another test. A whole lot of begatting got gatted until 11:30. But oh no, you have an appointment at noon. Fool. Anyway, 296 minutes until upload is complete.

Tests can become infinite tests. It can also be a sign of self-sabotage. I wasn’t sabotaging myself but this day’s timeline is blown.

4th. I would read a book but I’m damn near cross-eyed from mad dogging this computer for the bulk of today.

5th. Keep on trucking. The good parts don’t exist without the hard parts.

6th. I established a Youtube channel for Overcooked Vegan instead of lumping it in with Megafunk videos. I don’t know if that’s the best thing for SEO but I can’t know everything. Work in progress, baby bubba. 277 minutes.

Ok, radio silence until this thing is up.

Dig yourself out of the hole - Not deeper

Dig yourself out of the hole – Not deeper