bigger, stronger…

I had a cousin who I first recall being a lot bigger than me. Given that I was probably under 4 when this vague (possibly false) memory occurred it’s understandable… and he was at least 6 years older than me. His iris looked like they were mixed with lava. They were the same style as his father.

As I got older, his father told me his opinions about my limitations very bluntly. I actually appreciated the directness of it given the family penchant for gloss. I actually dug the old cat and his son was a marker that I thought I’d never reach. I mean, Tracy was always bigger than me. By the time we had reached adulthood he still had 1/2 to 1″ above me. He was more handsome than me though I don’t know what he did with it throughout his youth given our age disparity.

He had an affability that allowed him to mix within a variety of social strata and a sensitivity that seemed to make him a bit vulnerable to them. I only surmise this from way in the cheap seats. I had run into my cousin on a job late Summer. My cousin hadn’t seen my son since the boy was too young to remember him so I had looked forward to the reintroduction. Plus my boy likes meeting my male relatives because he gets to feel like he can hang with the OGs. A hit & run driver ended that possibility a few days before Xmas.

I used to use Tracy as a marker, someone to look up towards and I had planned on telling him this next we spoke because I don’t think he knew. I knew it, though, so that’s just going to have to be enough.

don't make me get angry

don’t make me get angry

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