The Destroyer

My rematch left me victorious. Excellent. However, I’m walking like an octogenarian in suspended animation now. The horror… The horror…

I watched the latest Conan The Barbarian movie a few times recently. It’s my son’s go to flick at the moment. I liked how they approached Conan’s character and Mamoa did a real good job making him brutal and ruthless. But the scale sabotaged the entire flick. I could get past Hellboy looking NOTHING like Drogo. That happens. But Starfish mask and his daughter with a fetish for Edward Scissorhands posed no sense of imminent danger for The Barbarian. I like Stephen Lang but his accredited 5’10” looks like NBA combine misinformation. His daughter makes one or 2 kills against frightened-unarmed virgin chicks and summons some sand dancers. That’s it. I’m supposed to forget about Thulsa Doom turning into a big honking snake? James Earl “Vader Voice” Jones?

John Milius’ movie Conan The Barbarian 1982 was epic in scale. Arnold boned a witch then threw her into the fire. He was crucified. He turned a big mill as a child with a group until he was such a mofo that he could push it by himself. He travelled vast desert scapes and watched his lady get clipped by a flying arrow snake by the crusher of dreams. 2011 Conan was on the vastness of sea and land and it still looked small. Too quaint. This movie should have been epic in scale. I like the flick on video. At least I didn’t get Hunger Gamed. But I don’t feel like I missed anything by not seeing it projected onto a 500 foot screen with Dolby 15.1 surround. Make your big ideas big. Make your big movie villains BIG. Leave your stooges and your Conan the Destroyers for someone else.

The Barbarian

Direct competition is easy to understand. I was thinking about how it is to toy with an opponent when you know you have total advantage. You race beside them knowing you can hit that extra gear with a flick of the mental switch. What I had never seen before was the flip side of that. At the gym parking lot, I’m looking at a person reading the paper and juggling 12 fuji apples while sprinting beside me. Certainly, I wasn’t clicking my best stride but even more certainly, I had an extra 20 years of wear and tear.

I driiiiink your milkshake! I drink it up!

Now I’m more than a bit cranky. I had never had a legal time that declared me the world record holder at XXX meters and it’s looking a little bit more likely that I’ll miss out on that personal best. So what do you do when your knees retired 8 years ago but you still have the desire to hit the court?

Off the court, the playing field has never been level. In 1999 I looked at the ceiling in my office and saw that the glass had been replaced with titanium back in ’89. Recognizing the rules doesn’t it make it easier to circumvent them. It just makes you more aware and on some days frustrates you further. But the competitive drive remains. I want to crush the enemy and hear the lamentations of their women. However, I don’t have a hair department and Conan the Barbarian was just a movie, you know? Back to the salt mines until I have Thulsa Doom’s head on a pike.

Technolust Revisited

At the new Canon facility in Hollywood last Wednesday I put my hands on the new 5Dm3 and c300. Given my recently broken in running shoes, Mason the Canon rep had to remind me that he had his eyes on me. That didn’t deter me. I was bold as love.

ooo laa laaa

The c300 is solid and handles well. There’s a redundancy in controls which allows for many of the same functions to be trigger from wherever you’re holding the damnable beast. It’s black metal base and red trim matched my kicks. I really should have bolted with it and said what the hell. It is available to rent at several facilities so I cut Canon some slack. Maybe not next time though.

The very next day Canon lets loose the c500 and 1Dc. Damn, Mason, where was my heads up on that?

I had to ground myself and remind myself that there are more fish in the sea so I dove to the store and put my hands on the Sony A55 and a bunch of other gear. All this new tech is pretty cool. It eliminates a lot of excuses. A world with less excuses smells better.