My little boy is no boy anymore. Well, actually I so say that all of the boys who were born in the 80s and 90s that I helped raise are now legal adults. They’re good d0Ods and also serve as a template for how to guide my 00s progeny. One of the new adult, Ashton, given proximity and personality, has been a measuring stick of my decrepitude. “You’re old. You groan when you get out of a chair.” Bite it, tadpole. I earned my involuntarily groans.

On jobs, Ash has been pretty good but there is always a learning curve. He got the CYA (cover your ass) chew-out/speech after leaving himself exposed on a solo gig. I had to learn in the fire most of my early career and didn’t get much instruction until after a fuck-up. I try to give him a different path. Being 20, he brings a different energy to a set. Also, since I’ve been training him on the small-sized rig, he seems to be less intimidating than my Spinx-old scowl.

let your backbone slip

The funny thing though is the new small gear seems to be more versatile than the old big gear. He made mention of the stabilization being so much better than the older rig I had started him out on and was pleasantly surprised that he could notice the difference. I had booked two gigs at overlapping times. He took the new gear out; I took the old heavy gear out. The reasons why were that I was matching the energies of the shoot: His, a fashion shoot; mine, interviews with models and designers. So I’m wrestling my old beast on the scene and it is clear as a supernova that my camera has shot its last job with me. For a quarter cheaper than my initial investment I could get better color, pixel count, etc. easier. Basically, the gear is old.

I start wondering also if I’m ready for pasture, also. I’m no longer a youth and far from nabbing a social security check but I’ve been burning rubber in this field for decades and sometimes the thrill isn’t there. So, I look at his footage from the other venue and I see how much he has to learn. I see that there are still many rivers to cross and I still harbor a certain significant amount of technolust. I guess I still enjoy this though I’d like to be on a bigger stage. Here I am.

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